by

Zip-tied Somali pirates wager on what number of SEAL memoirs they’ll be in

FORT MEADE, Md. – A sailor efficiently petitioned for unrestrained progress of his facial hair on the grounds of non secular expression, sources aboard Cryptologic Warfare Group Six revealed as we speak.

The Navy’s controversial dedication permits the pious sailor to maintain along with his World of Warcraft (WoW) religion as a loyal servant of the Holy Gentle and follows intently on the heels of a latest determination by the Air Drive granting a Muslim airman the precise to put on a beard.

“Lo, an excellent day for Azeroth, certainly, that I would champion the reason for my brothers,” declared native holy warrior, Quest4Cameltō, squeezing one of many many pustular follicles erupting from the pubescent tangle of greasy, unkempt hair under his chins.

Quest4Cameltō, a paladin from the holdfast of Stromgarde, goes by the title of Cryptologic Technician (Interpretive) Seaman Kevin Dietrich within the materials world and practices the international tongue of historic Mesopotamia, offering translations and intelligence stories for additional evaluation.

“Alas, please chorus from addressing me as such,” the godly knight requested. “Verily, I’m however a lowly Stage three peon amongst the uniformed ranks of the Navy, however right here,” he mentioned, with a sweeping gesture in the direction of his two, 32-inch 4K UHD screens, “Right here, I’m a mighty Stage 63 guardian of justice, smiting the depraved and dealing swift retribution to the minions of the Burning Legion.”

WoW is a massively multiplayer on-line role-playing recreation worshiped by many sailors and members of the intelligence group. Practicers assume alternate identities as mighty heroes and intrepidly embark on mystical quests with pals and strangers within the pursuit of loot and expertise factors.

“That is my life,” mentioned Dietrich, proudly sporting the facial hair customary to males of his order.

Grooming requirements have prohibited sailors from rising beards since 1984, though medical exemptions have been granted on a case-by-case foundation for sailors troubled with pseudofolliculitis barbae — colloquially often called “razor bumps.” The relentless and unforgiving pores and skin situation predominantly impacts Black People and repair members who intentionally shave in opposition to the grain in an effort to get hold of a no-shave chit.

Dietrich had lengthy fought to rectify the injustices the Navy levied in opposition to his non secular beliefs, in response to colleagues, and finally resorted to submitting a grievance underneath the Equal Alternative Program.

“Who am I to face between a man-child and his god?” requested Gerald Housemann, inspector basic for U.S. Fleet Cyber Command. “These determinations should be divined by powers higher than mine personal.”

The resplendent paladin’s case is the most recent in a flurry of efforts by the Navy to calm down grooming requirements, together with permission for female and male sailors to put on their hair in man-buns and ponytails.

As the search for unchecked non secular equality presses on, Dietrich was noticed at medical in search of exemption from the Physique Composition Evaluation.

Comments

comments