KABUL, Afghanistan — The Cleveland Browns relieved the first Safety Pressure Help Brigade of its mission of coaching Afghan safety forces below Operation Resolute Assist, a spokesperson for U.S. Forces – Afghanistan introduced as we speak.
The Browns, who till Thursday had not received a soccer sport since Dec. 24, 2016, arrived in Afghanistan on Saturday for a seven-month tour.
“These boys definitely know a factor or two about profitable,” stated Lt. Gen. Austin Miller, the senior U.S. commander in Afghanistan. “I can’t anticipate them to indicate these Afghans the way it’s performed after 17 years [of not winning].”
The Browns take over a mission to coach, advise, and help Afghan army and police models, which is able to now fall below the purview of Cleveland Browns head coach Hue Jackson.
“Oh, thank God,” stated Brig. Gen. Scott Jackson, the outgoing commander of 1st SFAB.
The results of an all-volunteer, skilled football-playing drive have been instantly felt, based on protection officers, with specific reward given to the Browns’ rejuvenated offense and downfield aerial assault with quarterback Baker Mayfield below heart.
“He’s definitely higher than Tyrod Taylor,” stated Cpl. Steve Higgins, a local of Twinsburg, Ohio.
Nonetheless, Mayfield, chosen first-overall within the 2018 NFL Draft, was later sacked for an entire loss after a Taliban sympathizer slipped previous his offensive line on Sunday.
“It’s vital for us to guard the quarterback, and there’s actually no excuse for what occurred on the market as we speak,” stated Jackson.
The Browns suffered further casualties after a reconnaissance staff was struck by an improvised explosive machine. Two gamers have been positioned into the NFL’s concussion protocol and won’t be anticipated to patrol subsequent week, whereas the opposite three have been positioned on Injured Reserve for the rest of their lives.
“We will at all times enhance on particular groups,” admitted Jackson.
Furthermore, the Browns’ main wideout, Jarvis Landry, has been suspended for violating the NFL’s substance abuse coverage after indulging in a Hemland Steamer.
“What’s a Hemland Steamer, you ask?” stated Jackson. “It’s mainly the place you pack a fats lip, snort a line of pre-workout, after which insert a Rip-It-soaked tampon in your rectal cavity.”
“I hear it’s highly regarded with the Marines,” he added.
Regardless of the preliminary challenges and hurdles the Browns have confronted since taking on safety and supporting a self-sufficient Afghan populace, management is cautiously optimistic.
“We’re very hopeful that we are able to get no less than a first-round and a second-round draft select of our losses,” stated Jimmy Haslam, the Browns proprietor. “Even when it means sacrificing every thing.”