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Level/Counterpoint: Good morning sir! vs. I’m not a dude, moron

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The next is a degree/counterpoint dialogue about greeting a feminine officer. The purpose will probably be offered by a male Marine lance corporal. The counterpoint will probably be offered by each feminine Marine officer who has ever been referred to as sir.

Level: Good morning sir!

Counterpoint: Do I appear like I’ve a dick and balls to you?

Level: I … um …

Counterpoint: I’ve waist-length hair pinned up in a bun the dimensions of a mom effing grapefruit on my head. What half about that screams “sir” to you?

Level: Sorry sir, I didn’t see your hair. I simply noticed you benching 300 kilos on the gymnasium — good job!

Counterpoint: Have you ever seen “Kindergarten Cop?” Do not forget that half about “Boys have penises, women have vaginas?”

Level: Sir, my first sergeant doesn’t allow us to watch TV.

Counterpoint: Holy shit, am I taking loopy drugs?

Level: Sir, the doc may most likely offer you some Motrin and water for those who want it.

Counterpoint: You understand there are ladies within the Marine Corps now, proper? WE’ve been right here about 100 years.

Level: Sure sir! My granny served in World Warfare II.

Counterpoint: Did candy granny ever inform you what to name a feminine Marine officer?

Level: Properly, granny mentioned they used to name ‘em WAVES or WMs for “Girls Marines,” however I feel they similar to to be referred to as Marines now.

Counterpoint: WAIT. You’re a gamer, aren’t you? Pay attention: regardless of what you’ve heard in Halo and Star Trek, you name feminine officers Ma’am, and no matter the truth that I can carry double what you may, I’m in truth feminine.

Level: Roger that, ma’am. My apologies, ma’am.

Counterpoint: Very nicely, carry-on, Marine. And do the Corps a favor by utilizing that bag of Tide pods in your hand to scrub your filthy-ass uniform as a substitute of attempting to see what number of you may slot in your mouth.

Duffel Weblog author Ted Heller contributed to this text.


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