Level/Counterpoint: Good morning sir! vs. I’m not a dude, moron

Sponsored by GovX, which gives deep army reductions on gear, attire & occasions – so it can save you your cash for the essential issues, like Ripits and tattoos.

The next is a degree/counterpoint dialogue about greeting a feminine officer. The purpose will probably be offered by a male Marine lance corporal. The counterpoint will probably be offered by each feminine Marine officer who has ever been referred to as sir.

Level: Good morning sir!

Counterpoint: Do I appear like I’ve a dick and balls to you?

Level: I … um …

Counterpoint: I’ve waist-length hair pinned up in a bun the dimensions of a mom effing grapefruit on my head. What half about that screams “sir” to you?

Level: Sorry sir, I didn’t see your hair. I simply noticed you benching 300 kilos on the gymnasium — good job!

Counterpoint: Have you ever seen “Kindergarten Cop?” Do not forget that half about “Boys have penises, women have vaginas?”

Level: Sir, my first sergeant doesn’t allow us to watch TV.

Counterpoint: Holy shit, am I taking loopy drugs?

Level: Sir, the doc may most likely offer you some Motrin and water for those who want it.

Counterpoint: You understand there are ladies within the Marine Corps now, proper? WE’ve been right here about 100 years.

Level: Sure sir! My granny served in World Warfare II.

Counterpoint: Did candy granny ever inform you what to name a feminine Marine officer?

Level: Properly, granny mentioned they used to name ‘em WAVES or WMs for “Girls Marines,” however I feel they similar to to be referred to as Marines now.

Counterpoint: WAIT. You’re a gamer, aren’t you? Pay attention: regardless of what you’ve heard in Halo and Star Trek, you name feminine officers Ma’am, and no matter the truth that I can carry double what you may, I’m in truth feminine.

Level: Roger that, ma’am. My apologies, ma’am.

Counterpoint: Very nicely, carry-on, Marine. And do the Corps a favor by utilizing that bag of Tide pods in your hand to scrub your filthy-ass uniform as a substitute of attempting to see what number of you may slot in your mouth.

Duffel Weblog author Ted Heller contributed to this text.

Are you able to assist us? We aren’t some gigantic media company. Duffel Weblog is actually only one man enhancing a bunch of articles written by army contributors — all on a shoestring funds. Should you love what we do, please donate a couple of dollars to maintain our doorways open. Even the smallest quantity is an enormous assist.