North Korea wins Olympic Gold Medal for ‘Crossing Purple Traces’

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA — Workforce North Korea has scored an early success within the 2018 Winter Olympics after successful the Gold Medal for crossing pink strains, sources confirmed as we speak.

Crossing pink strains, through which opponents attempt to outdo one another in violating worldwide norms and fundamental requirements of human decency, has been a longtime Winter Olympics sport ever because it was first launched by Germany within the 1936 Winter Olympics.

North Korea beat historic favorites Syria, Russia, and Iran, together with a surprisingly sturdy first-time displaying by the USA. Odds-makers had favored Syria and defending champion Russia, though as a result of Olympic ban, an unknown variety of Russian athletes are believed to be competing on the Ukrainian workforce.

Simply minutes into the occasion, Russia had taken an early lead by bribing all of the judges with free steroids, whereas Syria and Iran had taken the judges’ households hostage.

The USA briefly surged with a borderline racist Twitter rant till North Korea stormed into the lead by blowing up the reviewing stands and killing all of the judges, opening bank cards in all their names to purchase weapons from a number of terrorist teams, and sending a invoice for the explosives to the Worldwide Olympic Committee.

The North Korean workforce was later caught making an attempt to buy banned missile know-how with counterfeit U.S. dollars via a entrance firm supposedly created to feed ravenous African youngsters, cinching the Gold Medal.

“As soon as once more North Korea has managed to cross all doable pink strains via the energy and knowledge of its Everlasting Chief, Kim Jong-un,” mentioned IOC President Thomas Bach in a social media publish revealed to have been the work of North Korean hackers and containing a number of forms of malware.

“Crossing pink strains has change into one thing of an artwork type in North Korea,” mentioned Purple Line knowledgeable Adam Sullivan.

Though the game has traditionally been dominated by Russia and the previous Soviet Bloc, since 1980 a number of Center Japanese international locations have change into perennial sturdy contenders.

Nevertheless, over the previous three many years North Korea has invested money and time in constructing world-class pink line crossing capabilities. Its workforce shocked the world in 1987, for instance, once they blew up Korean Air Flight 858 to scare international locations away from the Seoul Olympics.

North Korea has already introduced plans to deal with its successful workforce to a victory parade in Pyongyang, after which they and their households can be despatched to focus camps to have their inner organs harvested for later sale on the black market.