THE PENTAGON — Marine Commandant Gen. Robert Neller is admittedly hoping that Protection Secretary Jim Mattis will “hurry the hell up” and approve his Memorial Day depart request, sources confirmed as we speak.
Sources say Neller has been noticed anxiously pacing the halls of the Pentagon’s E-ring, mumbling to himself as he rehearsed the doubtless awkward dialog with Mattis. “Good morning, I imply afternoon, sir. I do know you have got been busy with North Korea, however possibly when you have a second this week…” he was overheard babbling. “I form of have a depart request for this wedding ceremony, and it type of wants your signature. No rush although, no large deal sir.”
The commandant, who’s due for a health report analysis quickly, informed reporters he “doesn’t need to appear to be that slacker Amos,” since different members of the Joint Workers will probably be working over the Memorial Day weekend to garner face-time with Mattis.
Officers say Neller bought non-refundable tickets and resort reservations for the marriage in East Lansing, Michigan, a transfer they described as a “boot mistake.” And additional exacerbating the state of affairs, the Neller’s spouse has been “nagging the shit out of him,” in keeping with a supply that requested anonymity since he’s the Secretary of the Navy.
“We’ve to get there in time for the rehearsal dinner!” she reportedly stated to her cringing husband. “We missed my household reunion final 12 months due to that silly congressional testimony. For god’s sakes simply stroll in his workplace and ask him!”
“I already despatched him two emails about it,” Neller responded. “Chaos wrote me again and solely stated ‘roger’….what does that even imply?”
Mattis reportedly tried to approve the request final month, however the Marine On-line system has been down since Feb. 2014 for routine upkeep. Neller was then directed to submit a paper copy, officers stated.
“What occurred was, it was returned to the Commandant’s workplace after we observed that it was in Arial font as a substitute of Occasions New Roman,” a supply aware of the matter stated. “I suppose it acquired misplaced, no person has seen it in weeks.”
At press time, the Commandant was ready within the Pentagon’s north car parking zone for Gen. Joe Dunford, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, to conduct a automobile inspection and liberty transient earlier than the Neller household may very well be launched for his or her journey.
Jack McQuack and Cat Astronaut contributed reporting.