DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: President Donald Trump offers your weekend security transient

Camp Lejeune

four:39 P.M. EST

Hey there it’s me, Trump, your President, the perfect president. It’s a terrific honor to be right here in Camp Lejuene, speaking to the world’s tremendously finest troopers, to provide you your inspiring security transient.

You realize my philosophy, work onerous — lots of people don’t know that — I work very onerous, the toughest. No person works more durable than me. And I play onerous. However play it protected like I do, and play it like, actually sensible.

North Carolina is a superb state, the most effective actually. I personal property right here. Ensure to not drive drunk. Should you do you’ll get a DUI. Make no mistake, you understand what you signed up for and also you’ll undergo the implications.

As you all know, stories of what I did with hookers in Russia is whole FAKE NEWS — A POLITICAL WITCH HUNT — however hit me up in case you’re into that sort of factor. Talking of which, there are 26,000 unreported sexual assaults within the navy however solely 238 convictions. What did these geniuses anticipate after they put women and men collectively? Clearly none of them had been a really secure genius.

And people of you on the market on restricted obligation due to accidents, be certain that to take it straightforward. Relaxation is vital to restoration, extremely vital really, actually a terrific factor. I had accidents myself that prevented me from serving within the navy, bone spurs on my heel, an extremely painful situation, on my left or proper foot, I can’t bear in mind which. You’ll be able to look it up.

And everyone knows there are losers on the market who’re going to spend their weekends contained in the barracks consuming pizza and taking part in video video games, not on the market taking part in golf in Florida. Unhappy!

So get on the market and seize this weekend by the


four:43 P.M. EST