WASHINGTON — The Coast Guard obtained a birthday card from Congress containing a few twenty-dollar payments after it failed to acknowledge the service’s 227 years of existence, sources confirmed in the present day.
“Pricey Coast Guard,” the cardboard learn. “Glad belated birthday! Want we’d have been there to rejoice with you, however we’ve been SO busy. Hope you had a fantastic day! And don’t spend this multi function place!!! xoxo.”
The musical birthday card, when opened, belted out the tune “Anchors Aweigh,” since Congress couldn’t discover a usable copy of the Coast Guard’s march tune, “Semper Paratus.”
“Dude, we had like two hours to place this factor collectively,” stated Invoice Angelo, a congressional staffer. “The sound man stated ‘Semper Paratus’ was in WAV format and he wanted MPEG-Four or one thing. I don’t know. It’s the perfect we might do.”
Coast Guard Commandant Adm. Paul Zukunft, who had been moping round all day after not getting a card, was elated to obtain the nicely needs.
“I actually thought that they had forgotten about us, particularly with the price range cuts and all,” stated Zukunft. “You realize, I simply wish to be handled just like the older children. Congress by no means forgets THEIR birthdays! I heard they every acquired a brand new F-35 final yr. I would like an F-35!”
Nonetheless, Zukunft was bolstered by the beneficiant reward inside the cardboard.
“We’re actually going to make this 40 go a great distance,” stated Zukunft. “I’ll lastly be capable to get a brand new espresso maker for our workplace. No matter is leftover will go within the piggy financial institution for our new class of nationwide safety cutter, which we should always find the money for for by 2056.”