Flynn hoping to woo FBI with Williams Sonoma vacation present basket

WASHINGTON — After pleading responsible to mendacity to the FBI relating to his contact with Russian officers, former Nationwide Safety Advisor Michael Flynn is hoping the vacation present basket he purchased from Williams Sonoma will persuade particular counsel Robert Mueller to “discover it in his coronary heart” to forgive him.

Flynn, who resigned in February, thinks that the vacation season is a greater time than ever to “let bygones be bygones” and “simply attempt to love each other just a little extra.”

“Within the spirit of Christmas, I’m hopeful that the FBI will let what’s previous be previous, and simply take pleasure in a few of these caramel-dipped chocolate-covered pretzel rods with me,” stated Flynn, whereas pouring his FBI handler a glass of mulled apple cider. “One of the best ways to unfold Christmas cheer is by forgiving a former Nationwide Safety Advisor for blatantly mendacity about problems with nationwide safety.”

Whereas Flynn has entered right into a plea deal and has agreed to cooperate with federal prosecutors, Mueller says he’s assured that Flynn is just one of many authorities officers who might be “getting coal of their stockings” this yr.

“Anyone has to carry the road on this case,” stated Mueller. “However… my god, are these chocolate and pecan coated large apples?”

At press time, a decide had ordered all events concerned to stay merry and shiny, no less than till the seventeen-dollar jar of fig jam had run out.

“It’s like they are saying, each time a government-issued mobile phone with a Russian ambassador on the opposite finish rings, an angel will get its wings,” he added.

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