FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Controversial soldier Bowe Bergdahl is leaping into the world of small enterprise possession, opening a brand new Escape Room location within the luxurious metropolis of Fayetteville, sources confirmed right this moment.
Bergdahl’s Escape Room franchise will function an Afghanistan-themed atmosphere, together with Hesco limitations, piss-tubes, and a complimentary actor masturbating danger-close to your cot.
Contributors will battle poisonous command climates, delusions of grandeur, and existential struggles for the which means of life, in keeping with the official press launch.
The enterprise is Bergdahl’s first important transfer since returning to America and going through court-martial.
“I’m prepared to maneuver on with the subsequent chapter of my life,” Bergdahl informed reporters. “Folks like Snowden and Manning are making financial institution off of their particular life experiences, so why not me? Moreover, I’ve realized you possibly can’t simply run away out of your issues, and I must repay a fuck-ton of authorized debt.”
Lt. Col. Franklin Rosenblatt, Bergdahl’s protection lawyer, was seen sobbing within the fetal place on a rest room flooring after studying concerning the enterprise enterprise.
“First the podcast, now this,” Rosenblatt stated, in keeping with one eyewitness. “I ought to’ve joined the fucking Air Pressure.”
Bergdahl additionally introduced future plans for enlargement franchise areas. “We’re hoping to open up affiliate networks in Pakistan and Syria,” he stated. “I’m pushing for a fourth location in Guantanamo Bay too, if the negotiations pan out.”
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